1 page writing abt fashion

modify the essay following the teacher’s comments (which are bold)
rewrite the second paragraph (” NEEDS TOPIC SENTENCE—WHAT IS THIS PARAGRAPH ABOUT? Also USE A DIFFERENT TRANSITION, for example, I am currently studying fashion design. ……… I also go to museums occasionally to see my favorite art exhibits, which will calm my mind and let me know what I want to create. “)
write 1 paragraph for intro, and write 1 paragraph abt your personal feeling towards “creative” and “fashion”
in next 3 hrs